How to Support Your Family in Substance Abuse Recovery

Substance abuse, both active addiction and substance abuse recovery impacts the entire family. There’s no way around the biology of addiction as a chronic, progressive, lifelong family disease. And, even under the best conditions, families are complicated. Relationships are multifaceted. No person is all good or all bad. 

A strong support system around any family of addiction, along with a willingness to look inwards with honesty, gives families a better chance of finding peace. Family therapy plays a meaningful role in this journey toward healing. Substance abuse recovery is a bit like filling a toolbox with valuable tools for current and future generations.

Lucida is here to help you and your loved ones understand and support one another as you face the challenges ahead. 

Let’s take a look at how one person’s substance use disorder touches those closest to us.

Katie is a 45-year-old single mom with two teenage sons. From the outside, Katie looks put-together and accomplished. Her oldest son is a star athlete and straight-A student. Her youngest is a bit of a rebel and frequently gets into trouble at school.

Katie started drinking and smoking marijuana in high school. Two years ago, Katie’s husband walked out. Since then, Katie uses marijuana each evening before bed, believing it helps her sleep. For the past six months, stress around her work as an accountant has intensified. 

One glass of wine after work has become three or more glasses. Most weekend afternoons and evenings, Katie spends drinking, sleeping, or getting high. She thinks she’s doing a good job of hiding her drug and alcohol use. She’s not.

This “Guide for Family Members” from the Recovery Research Institute highlights ways family members are impacted by addiction and offers resources to help you cope.

Katie isn’t easy to live with right now. After working long hours, she dreads going home to two, often loud and angry teens. She usually pours herself a glass of wine the minute she walks in the door.

Both boys know their mom uses marijuana and alcohol daily. Katie’s house is full of tension. Her boys can’t count on her. When she’s not working, Katie is usually in her bedroom, sleeping with the door closed. If she’s awake and interacting with her kids, the frustration felt by everyone is thick. Loud arguments are normal. When voices get loud, even the family dog escapes to his kennel.

The boys are frustrated because they’ve taken on many of the adult responsibilities Katie ignores. Her oldest son does the grocery shopping and some bill paying, while the youngest does the household laundry and feeds the dog. 

Life is getting progressively worse as Katie increases her intake of wine and marijuana. Katie’s ex-husband is angry because he knows the boys are unhappy and unsupervised. 

While Katie’s drinking and drug use aren’t the reason for the couple’s divorce, it played a factor. Katie’s history of depression and a steady increase of substances caused friction in the marriage.

Let’s recap. So far, we have two teenagers, an ex-husband and a family dog impacted by Katie’s substance use disorder. We’ve left out her co-workers, who are also frustrated with her unreliability. Plus, Katie’s sister and mom are experiencing difficulties sleeping because it’s obvious Katie is in trouble.

For more information about families of addiction when mom has a substance use disorder, read, “‘The Whole Family Suffered, So the Whole Family Needs to Recover’: Thematic Analysis of Substance-Abusing Mothers’ Family Therapy Sessions,” published in 2015’s Journal of Social Service Research.

Family in recovery: Be brave and honest

Initially, it’s Katie who seeks help. Tired of feeling lousy, Katie starts seeing a clinical psychologist for her depression. The psychologist questions Katie about her substance use and diagnoses a substance use disorder. Katie admits herself into a residential substance abuse treatment program. Once sober, the program treats Katie’s clinical depression.

During the family portion of the treatment program, Katie’s sons and ex-husband receive education about substance abuse. Katie’s ex-husband begins attending Al-Anon meetings for the loved ones of addicts/alcoholics. The boys have individual sessions with an addiction recovery professional. 

The youngest son admits to regular marijuana use sometimes before and after school. Money from an afternoon landscaping job pays for his drug habit. His grades are terrible, and he’s frequently suspended for bad behavior. 

Katie’s oldest son breaks down in his individual therapy session. He reveals the pressure he feels trying to look after his mom and little brother, not to mention his extracurricular activities and grades. During group therapy, he connects with other teens experiencing similar stresses because of parental drug abuse.

With Katie still in residential treatment, the boys and their father create a healthier home routine. The boys no longer have to shop for groceries or worry about adult concerns like bill paying. Katie’s ex-husband develops a sense of appreciation for the stress Katie faces at home as the primary custodial parent.

The family still has a long way to heal, but things are gradually improving. Each family member is examining what it’s like in the other’s shoes.

Homecoming: Be patient and communicate

As the end date for Katie’s substance abuse treatment nears, Katie’s ex-husband continues to see a therapist and attends Al-Anon. In weekly counseling sessions, the boys express the anger they feel at their mom. They describe the loneliness they suffered when their mom was unavailable, either physically or emotionally.

The therapist recommends the boys live with their father temporarily after Katie’s treatment ends. A newly-recovering person needs to focus on sobriety. Walking into a house with two angry teens could jeopardize Katie’s early sobriety.

The boys agree to live with their father for six months.

As Katie continues aftercare and works hard to maintain her sobriety, the boys and their father create a new normal. The boys, accustomed to unsupervised freedom, resist their dad’s initial attempts to parent. Angry blow-ups gradually lessen, though, as everyone attends therapy and learns new ways of relating to each other. The youngest boy continues to use marijuana, unknown to his father. 

Parenting sober: Surround yourself with support

Katie has been sober for a year. She has a reliable network of addiction recovery support, which includes Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, a sponsor and weekly therapy. When life gets stressful, Katie now uses her phone list. She’s connected with other single parents in addiction recovery who have similar pressures. If Katie feels overwhelmed, she reaches out on the phone or attends a meeting. 

Katie and the boys also meet for family therapy a few times each month. During their sessions, Katie has confronted her youngest son about his marijuana use. Katie’s ex-husband joins the sessions occasionally. In this way, Katie voices areas where she needs some support with parenting.

A simple program for complicated people: Use the tools

Katie’s example shows how addiction and addiction recovery is a family affair. Sadly, some families never see recovery for generations. Genetically, alcoholism runs in families but, when someone breaks the cycle and gets help, future generations stand a better chance. 

In Katie’s case, her substance abuse recovery, along with the therapy and healthier relationship with her ex-husband, pave a new path for the boys and their eventual families. Once you learn the facts about addiction, you never forget.

Most importantly, everyone is aware of the tools available in case of a problem. The boys know where to get help. They will carry this knowledge into their adult lives and, hopefully, pass it along to their children.

A history of addiction isn’t much different from a family with a history of heart disease. Once educated and surrounded by the right medical professionals, children raised in a heart disease family have a different path to follow. Diet, exercise, frequent wellness checks and possibly medication are all needed to stay healthy. Addiction is no different.

“Substance Abuse Treatment and Family Therapy,” a review published by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offers a clinical look at the family system in addiction recovery.

Katie’s younger son may develop a substance use disorder of his own. With his mom sober, however, he will have an example to follow in recovery. 

Like any new mother, Katie set out to be a great mom. No one wants to hurt their children. However, addiction dynamics blur reality and gradually chip away at relationships until they become almost unrecognizable. Blaming the addict makes things harder for everyone involved. Research shows the biological and genetic components at work in addiction.

It is biology, but the damage done after years of her drinking and depression do take a toll. And her ex-husband must take responsibility for his part. He was aware of Katie’s depression and drug use but ignored confronting the situation. Instead, he allowed his anger to build instead of educating himself about addiction and offering help. 

To reach a level of calm within the home, everyone, including her ex-husband, must learn new ways of communicating. Having an ex-husband willing to participate in addiction recovery is a huge asset for everyone. If Katie’s youngest son has a substance use disorder, this will disrupt the family system, just as Katie’s drug use did. However, with two parents educated about addiction and willing to explore family problems honestly, her youngest may get the help he needs sooner rather than later.

The changes needed in Katie’s home are big and challenging. No family recovers from addiction perfectly, and the process never really ends. 

By seeking help, Katie has altered the trajectory of everyone’s life in a positive way. This doesn’t mean no one else will experience alcoholism or family stress in the future, but it does mean the way back to peace will be lit like a runway at night.

Let Lucida help your loved one find the way back home. Our admissions professionals are always ready to help. Call us at 866.947.7299.

Inspired By Katie’s Story?

Melissa S., Territory Outreach Manager for Lucida, shares her story of recovery. She shares her journey through recovery and the effects on her family.