Author Archives: lucida

stressed man

Why We Need a Program for Men’s Mental Health

By James Snow, LMHC, CAP, Clinical Director of Lucida

What are you, a big baby? Stop crying!

Suck it up, man! Pull yourself together.

Don’t ever let them see you sweat or show your weak side.

Men are given messages from the time they are children that insist they must be strong, capable, in charge and never show emotional distress. They do not have permission to be depressed, upset or emotionally lost. Even though progress has been made and there is more research about men and depression, the antiquated gender stereotype is alive and men continue to buy into the belief that they must pull themselves up by the bootstraps and suffer in silence. This has a tremendous impact on men’s mental health and can lead to depression and unresolved trauma and PTSD, not to mention the impact these issues have on the family, particularly the children. These stereotypes are passed from generation to generation and reinforced through our culture.

Because of the stigma of male depression, men act out their feelings in other ways ― mostly through anger, rage and aggression. The pain has to come out in some way and those emotions and accompanying behavior are acceptable for males. It’s OK to be a tough guy, to yell or even throw a punch. But men are still struggling with the concept of being truly vulnerable. Many do not have a clue about how much emotional pain they have shoved down and how they have denied their feelings.

Since men do not typically articulate their inner pain, people around them may assume that men do not experience emotional turmoil. They don’t think of the men in their lives as the ones who are suffering emotionally. But they are. For men, pain is isolating, leading them down a path of hopeless desperation. The result is unhealthy and destructive attempts to mitigate emotional pain, including substance abuse and violent and dramatic suicide attempts.

Generally, men are the last ones to reach out for help. As a result, their emotional needs are minimized and they are an undertreated population for mood disorders and trauma.

When Help Is Needed

There are certain signs that indicate anxiety in men, as well as depression and other mood disorders, including:

  • Changes in mood, energy level or sleeping habits
  • Appetite changes, including eating too much or not enough
  • An ongoing feeling of being on edge, restless or unable to focus
  • Aggressive behavior and having a short fuse
  • Overwhelming stress or worry
  • Feeling emotionally numb and detached
  • Substance abuse and other destructive behaviors
  • Loss of the ability to experience positive feelings and joy
  • Suicidal thinking, talk or attempts

Getting Beyond Fix, Rescue, Protect and Control

Men are not perceived as being verbally prolific. It’s a cultural stereotype but there is truth to it because they are taught to fix, rescue, protect and control. It’s been the ongoing communication dynamic between men and women and it is the way men traditionally approach a crisis. Ironically, it is the opposite of what most women are seeking, which is someone to listen and understand.

A mental health crisis requires a different approach. It requires a safe, nonjudgmental environment where men can thrive in community with one another. The first elements addressed are often foreign concepts for men:

  • You’re a fully feeling being.
  • You’re built to be an emotional person and you don’t have to be ashamed of feelings.
  • You’re here to redefine what being vulnerable is and to come to see that it is actually an outward demonstration of strength ― not weakness.

Stopping Unnecessary Suffering

Six million men in the United States experience depression. Many men have been very unhappy for a very long time. They have hidden and swallowed their unhappiness. And when the pain gets so bad that things fall apart in relationships, family and at work, many men internalize it as: I’ve completely failed. I’ve failed as a man. I’ve failed as a husband. I’ve failed as a father.

There is a lot of blaming and shaming in this culture, which sometimes gets in the way of men recognizing that having a mental illness is not their fault and that it is a problem they cannot fix on their own. In men’s mental health treatment, we provide a safe space for:

  • Discussing important issues and sharing openly without judgment
  • Learning new coping and problem-solving skills to replace destructive behaviors
  • Improving communication skills and enhancing relationships
  • Building a network with other men in similar situations
  • Healing from trauma, anxiety and mood disorders

Just opening the door to dialogue is a way of alleviating some of the unnecessary suffering.  Most importantly, the message to impart to men is: You’re not a failure. And it is OK to reach out for help. The result of treatment is truly transformative: improved relationships through authenticity and emotional intimacy without the fear of judgment. What a remarkable legacy for a man to leave for his family and children.

sad young man

5 Ways Men Can Heal (Rather Than Fix) Depression

By James Snow, LMHC, CAP, Clinical Director at Lucida

Although women have a higher rate of depression, the condition is just as serious and has some similar symptoms in men. According to studies, cultural restrictions on displaying emotions have an impact on whether men will seek mental health support. Here are some important aspects of breaking down those barriers to healing:

  1. Willingness to try a new approach. The whole “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” concept is all about communication. Men have been trained that you don’t go into your feelings, you fix the problem. If the car is broken, take it to the mechanic. You get the thing fixed and call it done. That’s a man’s role. Depression and other mood disorders also need to be addressed, but coming into treatment is completely antithetical to what men have culturally been trained to do. In treatment, they learn to talk about what they feel … but don’t try to solve the problem. The journey must begin with a willingness to talk about what they are going through and what their thoughts are, and yet to refrain from trying to “fix” their emotions in the way a mechanic fixes a car.
  2. Emotional mentoring. Harkening back to the days of hunters and gatherers, women are typically more comfortable gathering in a group with other women. For men, who are raised to be independent and go out and get the prey, it’s scary. They tend to shut down and present many defenses because it’s foreign territory. Even sitting in a room and having a therapist ask them questions can be mortifying. Having a mentor who has already done a great deal of emotional work and has come through with wisdom and insight can help men adapt to the new world of talking about feelings.
  3. Bonding with other men. Gender stereotypes about men in groups include watching football, looking at women and drinking. Outside of television sitcoms and the Burning Man Festival, they don’t normally sit around talking about their feelings. However, in an empowering treatment environment, there is newfound permission to share their true selves. When they are around other men who understand the concept of being vulnerable, it opens new vistas. New relationships are built that add to a man’s ability to communicate in the world. Just the experience of sitting in a room with other men who are disclosing their own feelings models healthy behavior. It’s powerful because it gives permission for new men coming into the program to openly share what’s going on in their lives.
  4. Truly opening up. It may seem foreign at the start, but when a man opens up about trauma in his history, admits to his anxiety, talks about an eating disorder or discusses relationship issues, something magical happens in the room. Heavy feelings lift. When men share in an authentic way, it begins to release what they have kept bottled up inside. It empowers everyone in the group to be honest and invites others to join the discussion. It becomes a self-feeding experience ― those who share nurture themselves, and those who bear witness benefit too. It’s remarkable to watch the power that unfolds when men allow their vulnerability to take the lead.
  5. Addressing trauma. While the presenting problem may be a mood disorder, there is often an underlying trauma that has gone unaddressed. It may be something buried deeply in a man’s psyche and they may not be consciously aware of it, so it is important to include trauma resolution as part of the healing process. Childhood traumas will often arise and be revealed in the course of therapy. Rather than take the approach of breaking down the walls and going in with bright lights and a search party, the experience is like peeling an onion, getting at one layer at a time. There is no jumping in and trying to “fix” it in one shot. (It’s important to note here that trauma work should always be approached with the help of a skilled therapist.)

Everyone Wins When Men Are Mentally Healthy

Men are dealing with a complexity of issues and rehab for men offers myriad ways to address them. They are dealing with the internal issues, with the illness at hand and also with the cultural elements that profoundly affect them.  There are family issues and family expectations for men. They are supposed to be that strong, protective person. When overloaded by burdens and pain, they just cannot play that role. Sometimes it takes something drastic for them to ask for help.

However, there is a great payoff for those willing to be vulnerable. When men are willing to do substantial emotional work, all of their relationships flourish because they have addressed and healed their relationship with themselves. Their personal relationships move to a new degree of intimacy and romantic relationships thrive. They also enjoy more positive interactions with their children. When men learn to stop trying to fix everything and everyone, they can just be.

man walking away from upset women

How to Tell if Your Spouse Needs Mood Treatment

Emotions are a healthy way to express how a person feels about an event or situation. But, emotions can become problematic when they are erratic, severely elevated or diminished for long periods of time. Erratic or dramatic swings in emotions can sometimes be an indication of a mood disorder.

The most common mood disorders are depression and bipolar disorder. According to a 2005 National Comorbidity Survey-Replication Study, nearly 10% of Americans aged 18 and older suffer from a mood disorder. Mood disorders can have a significant impact on relationships, and depending on the severity, may call for one or both partners to seek help from a mood treatment center. Continue reading

Promoting Healthy Relationships: How Men Can Have Successful Relationships

What does it take to nurture and maintain a close bond with another person, and what are the stumbling blocks to having healthy relationships?

Whether a relationship is between family members, friends and coworkers or significant others, some men find it difficult to form and keep positive connections. What are the stumbling blocks to having healthy relationships?

Here we take a look at some of the issues men commonly face in their interpersonal relations, and we provide a few tips for how to have healthy relationships. Continue reading

What Not to Say to Someone With Depression or Anxiety

Talking to someone with depression or anxiety may feel like walking a tightrope, especially if you’ve never experienced either mental health disorder yourself. On the one hand, you want to be supportive and encouraging and to show that you care. On the other hand, you don’t want to accidentally make your friend feel worse. Here are some common sayings to avoid, and some suggestions of what to say instead: Continue reading

Women Who Binge/Purge Suffer Short-Term Memory Impairment

Does Racism Cause Depression?

Racism and discrimination place innumerable barriers, visible and invisible, on people who experience it. Those barriers impact myriad aspects of an individual’s life, not the least of which is their access to mental health treatment. The tragic irony of this reality is that those who face racism and other forms of discrimination are often those who are the most in need of mental health treatment. Two of the most common types of discrimination, racial and economic, can trigger mental health problems as well as prevent those individuals from getting the help they need to cope. Continue reading

The Catch-22 of Loving an Addict

Loving an addict can feel like riding a roller coaster on a daily basis.  At times things may seem normal, but without warning there is turbulence, unpredictability and a whole lot of stress. You want to believe that everything will be all right and that things will settle down so that you can lead a somewhat normal life. But your daily reality is anything but normal.

More often than you want to admit, your life more closely resembles a circus than a story with a happily-ever-after ending. The addict is compelled to keep using drugs whether you beg, plead, scream or threaten. Friends and family urge you to leave the relationship, but for some reason you haven’t been able to do that. You know that you are putting up with a lot of unacceptable behavior, but you keep hanging on, wishing and hoping that things will change. Worst of all, at times it seems like the person in the relationship that is crazy is you. Continue reading

doctor taking to female patient

Mental Health Disparities Linked to Physician Perception

Statistics clearly show that Hispanics who need treatment for mental health or addiction are less likely to get it than white Americans. We also know that Hispanics have poorer outcomes when treated for substance abuse and are less likely than whites to complete a treatment program. Many possible reasons have been cited for these disparities, including cultural differences, stigma, language barriers and other factors. A large study recently sought to better understand the disparities and came up with some surprising results. Continue reading

Woman holding neck in pain

4 Physical Illnesses to Watch for If You Have Depression

Although depression is a mental health issue, it also manifests in numerous physical symptoms. Body aches, fatigue and headaches are the most common physical complaints associated with depression.

But it’s possible that these symptoms are signs of not only depression, but also other chronic physical illnesses. Depression may mask the severity of these conditions. In other words, depression may always be blamed for your constant fatigue, even though you suspect that something else is going on. That’s why it’s important to determine your other health risks and receive treatment.

If you have depression, here are four physical illnesses to watch for and to discuss with your doctor. Continue reading